Former Lead Scientist Gordon Gordon Returns

In a startling series of unpredictable events, it seems there could be a light on the horizon for the citizens of Ghumada. Following years of demise, ruin, conspiracies, and mysterious fluids under the reign of Dictator Carver Kerver, a mysterious turn of events has the remaining citizens scratching their bald heads and drinking extra radioactive mud to calm their overly-mutated senses. It all started when a self proclaimed "simple old fellow" who prefers to remain anonymous (because he has no given name) made an alarming discovery at 563 AM.

However, before we get to the good part, we will start at the beginning. For 12-16 years, Ghumada has been a smoldering wasteland filled with toxic green puddles, stumbling bums, and thick noxious clouds of gas that tastes oddly similar to strawberries. 

The beginning of the end came the day the reigning dictator Carver Kerver first appeared during the once-in-a-century Grand Ghumada Election. Nobody knows exactly where he came from. Some say he was seen running full speed out the North Forest during a particularly gloomy and stormy day. Some of the Elders even claim that he had existed there, out of sight, for centuries in anticipation of the very moment he could seize his opportunity to take control.

Whether there was any truth to the alleged myths and rumors surrounding the first appearance of the wretched dictator, he was unmistakably a deer person. Some say his antlers towered over 50 feet, though after fact checking these statements we found them to be unfounded.

Nobody knows how he keeps his suit so pristine, how he keeps his antlers so sharp and glistening, or what language he speaks. Some witnesses reported his over-sized antlers got caught in the powerlines on at least 3 occasions. Regardless, within 3 months of Carver Kerver taking power, the government had fallen, the food ran out, the lights went out. And Gordon Gordon had disappeared.

Former Lead Scientist Gordon Gordon had seemingly prepared for these events. Shortly before his disappearance, he had announced that he had trained a small weasel to discriminate against political corruption. There have been rumors that he went looking for it in the swamp after it ran off. Others claim to have seen him conducting strange experiments before the day of the election.

It was another gloomy day when citizen Markle Mavis discovered a disheveled looking piece of road kill on 23½ street. Believing he had discovered supper for the month, he began to ransack the putrid carcass. However, upon further investigation, he discovered it was in fact a half naked man covered in mud and other unknown contaminants.

By mid-day, there was a large scale investigation occurring. The investigation consisted of the only remaining member of the Ghumada Defense League, Glok Stevens. He stumbled around the mud and punched a few things before declaring that the case was a mystery. Meanwhile, Gordon Gordon had awakened.

"Holy Hell! Where am I? Is this the dark reprise of entities playing tricks on me once again?' he exclaimed.

However, there was nobody around. He had somehow made it back to his lab in an adrenaline fueled frenzy. It was nothing but a pile of smoldering ruins.. the same as he had left it 12-17 long years ago. It was here that he encountered our lead reporter and editor, Mort Biaston. Mort had been living amongst the ruins of the lab for the past 5-7 years awaiting the return of Gordon Gordon. The following tape recorder was recovered following Mort Biaston's disappearance. The dialogue may be confusing, due to the tape recorder being made out of mostly tape.

Mort: "Gordon Gordon, where in the holy hell have you been off to?"

Gordon Gordon: "Mort, I-ghh Field- ound the best interest. Bequeath to me the only rambling sharp dagger of them! Here we go. Oh god. No, not again! The entry! The machine!"

Mort: "Gordon Gordon, what in the slammer jikey are you babbling on about? Are you alright?"

Gordon Gordon: "We have to stop it! We have to go back! You don't understand Mort, we'll all die!"

The data extracted from the tape was corrupted past this point. The tape itself was left in a very obvious place that was meant to be found. Gordon Gordon and Mort Biaston have not been seen for several months. This is the clone of Mort Biaston, contemplating my purpose, signing out until next time.